While I don't think I'm freaking Buddha by any stretch of the imagination (observe my inability not to engage in argument), I've recently had an "awakening" of sorts.
I don't know exactly when it happened. I was in this big ole non-writing slump. I could call it writer's block, but I don't believe in writer's block unless you lose a hand or something. You can write...it just might be crappy. The universe never promised more.
But I started writing again. It started with fanfic. Yeah, I know, go ahead, mock. But it got me going again. Then I was looking at my other novels and planning to edit one of them, and then Nano was here. And out of nowhere I got this great idea for a novel, so I had something for nano.
Then I actually overachieved for nano...93,000 words in 29 days bitches! Then I got ready to start revising and there was this novel_in_90 comm and I'm like KICKASS. So I'm just rolling along.
At some point in all this, I woke up one day and it just struck me, "This is it, this is what I want." I mean yeah, I've always thought this in the back of my head...probably since I was about eleven. It was just always a "pipe-dream" like a nice thought but not realistic. Suddenly I'm like "Why the fuck not?" If the mystical "They" can do it, I can do it. Hell, my mama didn't say: "You can be anything you want to be" for me to waste it on a "safe and sure" goal.
It's just...until that moment of clarity I was floundering trying to develop "other goals." Sure I've gotten passionate about other things. Other ideas, other businesses, etc. But nothing has been a constant companion in the same way that writing has been. So suddenly I'm more serious.
I don't know if I'm getting to an age where I'm just ready to buckle down or what. Maybe it's not an age thing. I'm just ready to be completely fucking honest. I want to write. Desperately. That's what I want to do, it's who I want to be. This is me.
In all my permutations, nothing has screamed more loudly than the writing thing. I just woke up one day and I "wanted it more." I started getting in gear, setting deadlines, KEEPING deadlines (that's a big deal cause I used to set goals and deadlines and not finish them.) The earth just shifted on it's axis and I was like: "Oh crap, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I better get busy."
When did you wake up?